


Somebody I can miss (I want something just like this)

by jellyfic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Back Together, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post Timeskip, Pre-Established Relationship, angst with happy ending, breaking up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:48:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29107332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfic/pseuds/jellyfic
Summary: If one were to ask Lev where he’d want to go, he would probably answer that he’d like to follow his dreams. If he would be asked how much he was willing to risk though, he would find himself empty handed.“I love you, whether you're far or near, that won’t change anything. Do you love me?”Lev’s response this time was immediate as he blurted out so sincerely and loudly that Shibayama jumped, “Of course I do!”Shibayama laughed, shaking his head. “Then, that’s all we need.”
Relationships: Haiba Lev/Shibayama Yuuki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Somebody I can miss (I want something just like this)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yamastarss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamastarss/gifts).



> This is for [ Xavi ](https://twitter.com/yamastarss?s=21). Thank you so much for this fic, I had a lot of fun writing it and working with you is incredible! All the ideas are theirs, check their twitter and [ works ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamastarss/pseuds/yamastarss)! 
> 
> Thank you so much [ Sara ](https://twitter.com/anininjaspaz?s=21) for beta reading this for me, she’s the best!

The wind blew violently and howled loudly, pushing away the bomb that Lev had just dropped, trying but failing to limit the damages. Its force threw Shibayama off guard, making him lose his balance, and Lev immediately held his arms, his brows knitting together in confusion. 

“Are you alright?” Lev asked. He stopped swinging his feet in the void, bringing all his attention to his boyfriend sitting next to him. 

It took a few seconds for Shibayama to breathe out, eyes wide, “Yeah, I’m fine. I just- That's really big news.” 

Lev smiled sadly and hummed, letting go of Shibayama’s arm. “It really is! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. I wouldn’t want to miss it you know?” Lev looked at his side, hoping to see him smile and nod at him. The truth was Lev had hoped Shibayama’s reaction would help him take his decision but it seemed like he was on his own. “I won’t get other chances to star in a big-name film from America.” 

Shibayama finally looked up at him, and a smile appeared on his lips for the first time since they sat at the bridge. “That’s great Lev! I’m happy for you!” 

The words were comforting, and the smile pretty - but it lacked conviction. It didn’t reach his eyes, but Lev was okay with it; each one of Shibayama’s smiles were beautiful, even the sad ones. So Lev smiled too before turning back to the scenery in front of him. 

Silence fell over them again, though it seemed loud in Lev’s ears. They were both waiting, dreading where this conversation was leading them, but they had to talk about it sooner or later. 

So they both did at the same time. 

“I think we should break up,” Lev spoke, biting on his lips. 

“It changes nothing between us, right?” Shibayama said, picking on his fingers. 

They used to laugh in moments like these, but they blinked at each other instead, wincing. It was hard to find joy when they were standing on the edge of a bridge – literally and figuratively. 

“Why?” Shibayama murmured, making Lev’s heart skip a beat. 

Lev felt cornered, as if he had to defend himself, to find a solution and explain his point of view, so he stuttered, scratching the back of his neck, “We will be miles apart and there will be time zones and I’ll have to work hard and you’ll have volleyball and we won’t be able to hug each other or we’ll only talk through the phone and I’ll miss you a lot but-”

“Lev,” Shibayama interrupted, and Lev’s lips closed in a thin line. 

The thing was, even if he just blurted out all the reasons why he asked for a break up, he didn’t want to do it. He had been happy with Shibayama since they left high school, they were doing great. So he didn’t want to leave everything behind, but he didn’t want for the both of them to suffer when they’d be apart either. 

“Since when do we give up without a try?” Shibayama continued, looking up at him with a small smile – the first sincere one of the day. 

Lev opened his mouth to close it again, three times. Nothing came out. 

“We can try, okay?” Shibayama took his hand, interlacing their fingers together and squeezing it gently. Lev turned to look through hopeful eyes, he knew right there and then that he couldn’t go against them. “We’ll see what happens, but I’m sure that we will be alright. I love you, whether you're far or near, that won’t change anything. Do you love me?”

Lev’s response this time was immediate as he blurted out so sincerely and loudly that Shibayama jumped, “Of course I do!” 

Shibayama laughed, shaking his head. “Then, that’s all we need.” 

  
  


—————

  
  


Lev wished that was true. 

He wished with all his heart that loving each other was all they needed to be happy, but it was not. It turned out living miles apart was more difficult that they both thought, and time zones were the most annoying of it all. 

They made it work at first, they would call the other late at Lev’s time since he always had less difficulties than Shibayama to stay awake. They texted a lot too, sending each other pictures of everything they deemed worth sharing, and discussing about their day. Lev missed the touch a lot, he longed for little kisses and hugs, or even just taps on his back. He missed the moments snuggling and watching a movie, or even just cooking together. But he was fine. They were fine. 

Until they weren’t. 

Lev stirred from his sleep, frowning at the light coming from his curtains. He groaned in his pillow once he remembered he forgot to close the window yesterday before passing out on his bed before sunset. Well, he was up now, so he sat up and stretched. His eyes immediately flickered to his phone on his bed, and took it, aiming to look at the hour. 

What caught his attention though was the dozens of messages and missed calls from Shibayama. They were all from the late afternoon yesterday and continued until very late in the night. Lev’s blood ran cold as he fumbled with his phone, unlocking it and calling back immediately, one hand grasping at his sheets firmly. 

It took Shibayama two rings to answer, which should have worried Lev since it was pretty late for him by now, but instead, he sighed heavily, frowning. 

“Yuuki? Are you alright? Did something happen? I have thousands of missed calls and messages? Are you okay?” 

The line stayed silent for a few seconds and Lev was ready to panic again when Shibayama’s voice cut through the speaker, “I’m fine.” 

Lev nodded, letting his body flop on the bed. “Why did you call last night then? Did you need anything?” 

“We were supposed to call each other. Like every Wednesday.” His voice was small, uncertain and Lev hated it. After years growing up together as friends and then boyfriends, Shibayama had been able to get rid of the shyness and insecurities that filled him back then, seeing him take the habits again worried Lev. 

“I’m really sorry, I was exhausted yesterday I fell asleep the moment I stepped foot in my room. You wouldn’t even imagine the day I had!” Lev started telling, reminiscing the crazy events from the day before. “We were overbooked! They needed me everywhere and we had to run–”

“I was worried.” 

Lev stopped short. Shibayama never interrupted him, always adding comments from here and there and laughing whenever he wanted but he never cut him off completely. Lev’s heart sank. 

“I’m sorry. As I said, I was very tired. I–”

“I know.” Only now did Lev notice the wetness in his tone and the tremble of his voice. Shibayama was refraining himself from crying. “I get it. But couldn’t you have sent me a message? Or anything, just to tell me you couldn’t make it. I know it’s the first time, so I don’t want to make too much of a big deal of it but… I was really worried.” 

Lev bit his lips, sitting up again and passing his hands through his hair. He wanted nothing else than to wrap his arms around his boyfriend and comfort him. 

“I won’t do it again. I am sincerely sorry, Yuuki. I swear I’ll be more careful. Okay? Do you forgive me?” 

There was a silence before Shibayama sniffed, sighing. “Okay. I do.” 

  
  


—————

  
  


Lev was already smiling at his phone minutes before Shibayama’s face appeared on the screen, an unhealthy amount of energy bottled up in his body. His boyfriend didn’t have time to say anything before Lev chirped, bouncing on his bed:

“Yuuki! Are your luggages ready? Did you bring a swimsuit? I can’t wait to show you around!” 

Shiabayama laughed, and shook his head, biting on his lips. He seemed nervous, so Lev immediately added, “The flight isn’t that bad! It’s a bit long and boring but it’s safe! You’ll probably fall asleep during the whole flight anyway.” 

Saying that he was excited was an understatement. Lev had been planning Shibayama’s trip to America for a few weeks by now, and it was the only thing he could talk about. The flight wasn’t for another two weeks, but his happiness was already at its peak. 

“Lev,” Shibayama started, wincing. 

“I’m serious! You won’t feel anything and I’ll be waiting for you at the airport!” Lev interrupted, dismissing the man’s worry with a wave of his hand. 

But Shibayama held on. “Lev,” he repeated. “I have to tell you something.” Lev nodded, finally letting him talk. “You remember that team I told you I had a meeting with? The one I wanted to join?” 

“I do! What about them?” 

“They called me this morning. I’m in.” 

Shibayama barely had time to finish that Lev screamed, congratulating him loudly and fervently, telling him that he was proud and had never doubted him – which he didn’t, he had always believed Shibayama would make it, but hearing that it was official filled him with pride. 

His smile dropped slowly though when he noticed the smile on Shibayama’s lips was too small for this kind of celebration, that there was a glint in his eyes that couldn’t be mistaken for joy. Lev frowned. 

“Is there something wrong?” 

The moment Shibayama looked away from his phone, Lev knew he wouldn’t like what was about to come.

“We have our first official match.” He continued, gaze still avoiding Lev’s. “In two weeks.” 

If there was something Lev loved in Shibayama it was his dedication and motivation. Since high school, this part of Shibayama had been something Lev looked up to. He admired when his boyfriend would frown, looking determined and powerful, reliable. And once Shibayama was in that state of mind, nothing could deter him from his goal. He would go straight to it, not allowing any shortcut, and worked hard to be able to be proud of himself. 

Lev knew that dedication was what brought him to this new team. Lev knew that meant that, no matter what he said, Shibayama would not come to America in two weeks. 

He was happy for Shibayama. He didn’t have the right to say anything – it was his dream, his success, Lev had no right to go against it.

Still, it stung. 

“Okay,” Lev whispered, frowning at his turn. “I’ll- uh, I’ll cancel the trip.” 

“Lev…”

“It’s fine.” It was not, but Lev didn’t want to make Shibayama feel guilty. “Your future is important. We’ll find another time to see each other, it’s fine.”

It wasn’t the first time after all since he too had already cancelled a lot of plans. Their daily calls had turned into weekly ones, and their messages became less and less frequent—more concise and practical, empty. Both of them were to blame, or maybe nobody was. Lev didn’t know. He just knew he didn’t want Shibayama to feel guiltier than he already was. 

He liked to think they were both doing their best to keep their relationship above the water, so today wasn’t the day to ruin it all by being disappointed or jealous - they had something to celebrate after all. 

After a long silence where neither of them dared looking at the other, Shibayama sighed and spoke, “You were right.” 

“About what?” Lev asked, finally daring looking up, heart beating fast in his chest. 

“About what you said on the bridge. It can’t work. We tried, but I can’t do it anymore. We have broken so many promises, canceled so many meetings. I think…” Lev held his breath, knowing too well what bomb Shibayama was about to drop – he dropped the same a few months ago. “We should break up.” 

They were doing their best to keep their relationship above the water, but the results didn’t match their efforts. 

Lev couldn’t say he hadn’t seen it coming. Their relationship had been fragile for months, since the exact day he told Shibayama about his offer for America on the bridge. They had tried, for their happiness, for each other’s sake, but it was obvious, it didn’t work. They were just hurting each other. 

He didn’t like it, but Shibayama was right. They should break up. Lev convinced himself that it was fine, that he would be over it in a few weeks, that he still had his dream and that his happiness didn’t reside in one single person. So he answered, with his voice muffled, “Yeah. Maybe it’s for the best.” 

————— 

  
  


Saying that his happiness didn’t depend on one person was the greatest lie Lev ever told himself. Because he had been with Shibayama since his first week of high school, they stayed at each other’s side through the years, and learned about the other every day. He had never needed to picture a life without Shibayama at his side. It felt wrong, naked, flavorless. 

People say that one doesn’t know the value of something before losing it. Lev had thought that he knew how important his relationship with Shibayama was. He knew it was going to be difficult without him, especially after spending so much time together for so long. But he hadn’t thought it would be _this_ hard.

The worst was the way he would act as if he and Shibayama were still together. He refused to go out with the team two days after, saying that he had a video call with his boyfriend later that night. It wasn’t before he flopped on his bed that he remembered. 

It was only then that he really realized what it meant not to have Shibayama in his life anymore. Focusing at work was the most laborious task that was sled from him, as he would wonder what Shibayama was doing at that moment, or what he could have done better for their relationship to last longer.

Mornings were dull, nights were boring and long. His phone remained silent, and his head loud. It was lifeless without Shibayama Yuuki at his side.

He lasted four days. On the fifth day, he booked a plane ticket and flew back to Tokyo without even thinking twice about it. He didn’t have to. He knew. 

And in less time that it would take to say it, he found himself knocking at Shibayama’s door, out of breath. When Shibayama opened the door, Lev had to physically refrain himself from lifting him in a tight hug. He had to talk first; he had to explain. 

Shibayama looked at him with wide eyes, confusion showing all over his face. But Lev didn’t give him time to say anything. 

“I’m stupid. I’m stupid for thinking even for a second that I could live without you. These past few days have been hell for me, I felt so lost, as if a part of me was missing, and I know now.” He couldn’t help the chuckle from his lips, happy to finally understand. “I can’t picture my life without you. So, I know it must be out of the blue, but… Shibayama Yuuki, will you marry me?” 

Shibayama’s mouth hung open as he blinked at Lev a few times, gripping at his doorway to keep his balance. After a few seconds he shook his head, his brows knitting together but still agape. “You- What? Lev, we tried already, you-”

“We’ll do better!” Lev interrupted loudly, firmly. He had never been more certain. “Anything to keep us together. Even if I'm not with you, I never want to go without you.” 

He wanted to take Shibayama’s hand, to reassure him. Lev wanted to take his face between his hands and look directly into his eyes, forehead against the other’s. He waited patiently instead, hands itching, heart beating so fast he was sure that was the reason why he was still out of breath. 

Shibayama shook his head, he bit his lips and raised his hands around him, showing the space between them, “We can’t get married Lev. We just broke up!” 

But Lev shrugged, holding on to the only thing he wanted more than anything in his life. Now that he was sure, he wasn’t ready to let go. 

“We don’t have to get married now. I mean, it’s okay if you want to wait, it’s okay if you’re not ready.” This time, he let himself cave to his desires and took Shibayama’s hands in his own. His skin burnt at the contact, happy to find an ounce of touch again. But _god_ , did Lev want more than that. “But that’s what I want to do; I want to marry you.” 

Shibayama looked down, frowning at their joined hands. Lev could almost see his mind at work, trying to find a solution, to rationalize the situation. That was why he wasn’t surprised when Shibayama shook his head, plunging into Lev’s gaze, voice pleading. 

“You’re doing this on a whim, Lev. You felt lonely, and acted impulsively. I can’t do that to you. I don’t want us to be hurt again.” 

_‘Don’t do this,’_ his eyes implored. _‘Don’t give me hope,’_ his tone begged. 

“I am hurt without you,” Lev immediately countered, squeezing his hands a bit more. “And what if it’s a whim? Confessing to you back in high school was a whim and it was the best decision of my life. I know what I want, and it’s to spend my life at your side.” 

Shibayama stood, unmoving, eyes locked into his. Lev could see the tears gathering in his eyes, and he felt his own throat itching.

“Lev,” his voice cracked but he continued. “You’re in America and I’m-”

“Do you still love me?” Lev blurted out, interrupting him abruptly, eyes wide and waiting, eager to know the answer. 

Thankfully, the response was immediate. 

“Of course!” Shibayama admitted, smiling sadly. “But Lev, you have to-”

Lev didn’t give him the time to retort that he spoke again firmly, certain, echoing Shibayama’s precious words from the bridge. “Then, that’s all we need.” 

Shibayama bit his lips in a thin line and closed his eyes. Unless the other seriously didn’t want to, Lev wasn’t ready to let go. He would try again and again to be at Shibayama’s side for as long as the man would allow it. 

After a long silence Shibayama nodded, tears falling down his cheeks as the corner of his lips turned up. Lev had missed the sight. 

“Yes,” he breathed out shakingly. “Yes, I will.”

Lev immediately bent down, putting his arms around Shibayama’s body and turning around, plunging his head between the crook of his neck. Their laugh echoed in the corridor, a bit wet from crying. When Lev finally put him down, keeping his arms around Shibayama’s waist, he cursed in his breath, eyes going round: 

“Oh umm... I don’t have a ring though. Can we go shopping tomorrow? I didn’t think that far to be honest. Can we go together? If you want of course,” he added quickly, frowning and mumbling. 

Shibayama raised on his top toes, cupping Lev’s cheeks and smiling fondly at him. “Yes, I’d like that,” he breathed out before kissing him gently, adding between pressed lips, “I love you.” 

Lev forgot about everything else, as he felt again what it felt like to kiss Shibayama Yuuki, his future husband. 

“I love you too.”

It tasted like bliss. 

  
  



End file.
